‘Founding Fathers’ argument out of date

Do you ever get sick of tired arguments that make no sense at all? I was listening to your basic conservative talk show host on the way to class, (bobby lonsberry in case you were wondering) and he was pining about the good old days when this was a “Christian nation.” (After all, we stole this country fair and square from those “Indians.”)

I don’t want to pick on bobby too much; after all, he is paid to toe the line for his right-wing buddies who hang on his every word. I just wonder if guys like bobby ever took a history class or looked at the Constitution. bobby is a master at his craft, he also knows whom he can pick on and get away with it. (He spent a little time on “hiatus” for implying that African-American mayor Bill Johnson was a “monkey,” yet he had no problem calling the Wiccan woman who brought forth a lawsuit to allow her to say the opening prayer at the Virginia county board meeting, “fat and post-menopausal.”)

The Wiccan woman’s lawsuit coincides with the Supreme Court hearing cases involving the display of the Ten Commandments at public buildings. bobby and his fellow predominantly W.A.S.P. talking heads get to go back and pull the same tired arguments out of the mothballs. My favorite is the tried-and-true “our founding fathers were Christian” card. (It’s safe to say that many of them were Deists at best.) We seem to forget that by today’s standards, they were more than a bit racist, sexist and elitist. That’s not to say that the Bill of Rights should be thrown out entirely, but let’s face it - the Founding Fathers probably didn’t have a clue what the nation would look like two hundred-plus years in the future.

If we follow the Founding Fathers argument then why don’t we take it a step further and reapportion Congress with African-Americans only counting as three-fifths of a person? Since we have dealt with waves of immigration and an influx of new religions, doesn’t it stand to reason that we needed to make some adjustments? Oh yeah, and slavery was abolished awhile back, too. But, hey, I understand conservatives’ affection for our Founding Fathers - after all, they did come up with the brilliant idea of an electoral college that allows for a president to get elected even though his opponent received the majority of the votes. By the way, why aren’t we setting up an electoral college in Iraq? Wouldn’t that be what the Founding Fathers would have wanted?

The anti-Wiccan prayer argument is also based on “tradition,” another buzzword for “Christian heritage.” So what’s with the fear of the witch? Are the board members afraid she will fly in on a broomstick and take their mascot, Toto? And what about poor Dorothy? It seems to me the concern may be that if Jesus isn’t asked to come into the room the poor politicians will be lost and unable to make decisions. If a witch opens the meeting then they may unwittingly pass a law against owning any cats that aren’t black. Talk about a lack of faith! Maybe the Virginians want to go back to the days when witches were burned at the stake; isn’t that what our Founding Fathers would have wanted?

The Ten Commandments thing is even more confusing. What purpose do they serve in courthouses or public buildings? Only four of them translate into actual laws! Maybe there is a fear that some unscrupulous lawyer could use the “I didn’t know you couldn’t covet thy neighbors sheep” defense.

While we are at it, why don’t we put Dr. Laura’s Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives, Letterman’s “Top Ten,” the Billboard “Top Forty” and the rules of Monopoly on plaques outside courthouses.

The other wonderfully lame arguments that so-called Christians like to throw around is that the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) is trying to weaken the moral fiber of the nation by taking the word “God” out of everything. The last I checked they haven’t attempted to remove Bibles from homes or place restrictions on what a preacher can say in his or her sermon. There is this place called “church” where religious views can be spoken freely. You see, bobby and company, what has weakened your faith and the “moral fiber” of the nation is the fact that your kind is so paranoid that it makes your God look powerless to accept challenges. Is that the kind of faith you subscribe to? The funny thing is, Jesus and his disciples did a pretty good job spreading Christianity all over the globe without having to put up big monuments in Rome. But what did Jesus know, he wasn’t a “founding father.”

If all you religious types are so worried about morality, why don’t you take over welfare and feeding of the poor from the government? Why don’t you fight for equity in schools instead of whining about whether “God” is in the Pledge of Allegiance or if the school day starts with prayer? I bet a lot of urban school children would thank God if they could start the day with a blessing rather than pray they don’t get stabbed by a classmate.