Hops on Pops
Hops have always been an important part of my life. When I was a small child, my father used to read me the Dr. Seuss classics Green Eggs and Ham and Hop on Pop. Both of the stories had a profound impact on my life, Green Eggs and Ham gave me an appreciation for green food coloring on breakfast foods and Hop on Pop made me appreciates hops.
Some people have hopes and dreams; my life has been pretty miserable so I gave up on hope and decided to put my faith in hops. Others play a good game of hoops, but I am short and fat so I sit in the stands and watch hoops while I have a glass with hops in it. Hops are, of course, an essential ingredient in beer along with malt and barley.
A recent spike in food, milk and gas prices has been difficult for me to deal with but I have always been able to rely on the low cost of hops, at least until now. I have accepted all of the excuses that the politicians and economists give me as to why gas prices have gone through the roof, including a dependency on foreign oil from strange countries like Saudi Arabia, Venezuela and Texas. They don't even speak English in those countries, how could we be expected to negotiate prices with them?
To the best of my knowledge, there is not a foreign dependency on hops. Nonetheless, the cost of hops has gone from an average of $3.40 a pound last year to a high of $22.00 a pound this year. That makes hops almost as expensive as a college textbook, ok maybe I am exaggerating a bit, but it is a serious problem.
Of course, sophisticated, overeducated beer connoisseurs like me realize that the rising cost of hops will have a ripple effect on the marketplace. In other words, my beer is going to cost more and I am not happy. In fact, I think it is going to force me to drop my bag of potato chips and get off of the couch and write my congressperson, senator and maybe even send a letter to the president of the United State's cousin Ann Heyser Bush, at least I think that she is related to the president.
The hops crisis will affect many industries especially if beer consumption slows down. The peanut framers will feel the pinch first followed by plain white t-shirt manufacturers. NASCAR will have to find other sponsors, instead of Budweiser logos all over the cars, we will see Jenny Craig and Slim-Fast logos, because beer drinkers will want to get rid of their beer guts so they are not reminded of the hops crisis. The ping-pong ball industry will be devastated. Most college fraternities will have to disband because without affordable beer they serve no real purpose.
Some of you may be asking how we got to this point and I can only offer the lame excuse that economists and politicians are belching out. They say that growing hops is not profitable and that many farmers are growing corn so that it can be converted to ethanol. Since corn is also used to feed beer drinkers, in the form of popcorn, and cattle, in the form of feed, many farmers are growing corn instead of hops.
Obviously, the problems associated with ethanol outweigh the benefits. The government should realize that by encouraging farmers to produce more hops beer drinkers would produce more gas than they consume. Then we can really reduce our dependence on foreign oil.
Some people have hopes and dreams; my life has been pretty miserable so I gave up on hope and decided to put my faith in hops. Others play a good game of hoops, but I am short and fat so I sit in the stands and watch hoops while I have a glass with hops in it. Hops are, of course, an essential ingredient in beer along with malt and barley.
A recent spike in food, milk and gas prices has been difficult for me to deal with but I have always been able to rely on the low cost of hops, at least until now. I have accepted all of the excuses that the politicians and economists give me as to why gas prices have gone through the roof, including a dependency on foreign oil from strange countries like Saudi Arabia, Venezuela and Texas. They don't even speak English in those countries, how could we be expected to negotiate prices with them?
To the best of my knowledge, there is not a foreign dependency on hops. Nonetheless, the cost of hops has gone from an average of $3.40 a pound last year to a high of $22.00 a pound this year. That makes hops almost as expensive as a college textbook, ok maybe I am exaggerating a bit, but it is a serious problem.
Of course, sophisticated, overeducated beer connoisseurs like me realize that the rising cost of hops will have a ripple effect on the marketplace. In other words, my beer is going to cost more and I am not happy. In fact, I think it is going to force me to drop my bag of potato chips and get off of the couch and write my congressperson, senator and maybe even send a letter to the president of the United State's cousin Ann Heyser Bush, at least I think that she is related to the president.
The hops crisis will affect many industries especially if beer consumption slows down. The peanut framers will feel the pinch first followed by plain white t-shirt manufacturers. NASCAR will have to find other sponsors, instead of Budweiser logos all over the cars, we will see Jenny Craig and Slim-Fast logos, because beer drinkers will want to get rid of their beer guts so they are not reminded of the hops crisis. The ping-pong ball industry will be devastated. Most college fraternities will have to disband because without affordable beer they serve no real purpose.
Some of you may be asking how we got to this point and I can only offer the lame excuse that economists and politicians are belching out. They say that growing hops is not profitable and that many farmers are growing corn so that it can be converted to ethanol. Since corn is also used to feed beer drinkers, in the form of popcorn, and cattle, in the form of feed, many farmers are growing corn instead of hops.
Obviously, the problems associated with ethanol outweigh the benefits. The government should realize that by encouraging farmers to produce more hops beer drinkers would produce more gas than they consume. Then we can really reduce our dependence on foreign oil.
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