There are many ways to choose whom to vote for in a presidential election. Some people base their decision on trivial things, like abortion rights, civil unions, gun rights or national security. Others look at a candidate's stance on economic issues, such as tax breaks for the wealthy or taxing major corporations. There are people concerned about the environment and a few more concerned about whether a candidate believes that a college education should be accessible to everyone. Lastly, a select few vote the party line.

Unfortunately, none of the aforementioned ways is a good way to choose a ticket for the Presidency. Let's face the facts, no president is going to take away guns, outlaw abortion or make college affordable and they certainly are not going to make college affordable for everyone. If college were affordable to everyone then people who succeed without a college education could not say, "Who needs a college education," and people with a college education could not scoff at people without a college education.

Even basing your vote on a candidates experience is not a good way to choose whom to vote for. If a candidate has a lot of experience then they are an "insider" which is not a good thing because nobody likes "Washington insiders." If they do not have enough experience, then they cannot get anything done because in spite of the fact that we all claim to hate "Washington insiders," they are the ones we have elected to Congress.

All candidates promise to cut taxes, at least somebody's taxes. There are competing philosophies about tax cuts, some say that if you cut taxes on the wealthiest then the money will trickle down to the rest of us. Unfortunately, the stuff that has flowed down hill is brown and stinky, not green like money. Others cut one tax and then create a new one to make up for the money they lost. That group is still trying to figure out how to require a postage stamp for emails.

Environmental policies are even trickier. An environmentalist used to hate big business because it was destroying the environment. The big businessperson hated the environmentalist because they were destroying big business. Now, environmental issues are big business, which means you cannot hate big business and love the environment.

Of course, you could vote for an unconventional candidate from one of the smaller parties. They may not win but your vote sends a message to Washington to legalize drugs and prostitution and to abolish taxes along with the police and fire departments.

For those of you who feel compelled to vote for a major ticket, I suggest picking the candidates whose names sound best together. Some names just sound good together, like Simon & Garfunkel, Jay & Silent Bob, Lennon &McCartney, Paris & Nicole, Nancy & Sluggo, Lone Ranger & Tonto, Marx & Engels, Lewis & Clark and Jefferson & Hemings. If you do not like the sound of Obama & Biden or McCain & Palin you can always write in Mickey & Donald, after all, we have let snakes run Washington, maybe it's time to give a mouse and a duck a try.